It is true, I longed for your love all my life  and prayed for you fervently more times than you could ever know, bombarding heaven with my request so many times until it is surprising that the Angels did not put me out of God's throne room!

It wasn't that He was unwilling to answer or give me the true desire of my heart (and that was someone like you) but I too had to evolve to a place of readiness before my gift could manifest -- before you could walk into my life.

There were seemingly endless days that I thought I would not last because I needed you so and you were nowhere to be found; so I allowed myself to be only partially fulfilled by others with selfish motives because I longed for the touch of a human hand and the need for intimacy was so strong.

There are so many, "I'm sorry God for not listening, not waiting, not being still and running ahead because of my impatience," I want to say to Him!

When I fell at his feet out of guilt and condemnation for my stupid mistakes and unwillingness to wait, He lifted me and beside Him you were standing.

When I saw you, I thought "Who is this? Why is he standing there? And then you spoke (while He said nothing, only with a smile of approval on His face) and thesound of your voice resonated in my spirit like a melody heard years ago, a song I was certain I had sung before, but not really.

When I thought about what I was hearing I realized that I had heard the melody years ago in a dream as a child and every since then I have searched the whole world over, year after year trying to find the written music but never could, only generic versions.

Now the melody rings in my ear as a confirmation to my heart and I am afraid that perhaps I have made too many mistakes, wondered too far away from the dream, am no longer worthy to receive it though I desire it so!

The Lord would say to me "All are worthy!" But though He has forgiven me still my heart weeps because now I am ready, my mind is mature but I must know that the one who loves me back truly loves me because perfect love and only perfect love can cast out fear.

I need to know that the person in whose eyes I peer into will see that inside of this resilient man is a childlike spirit, beautiful and untainted by life who still dreams, still is fascinated with the beauty of creation, is in love with the Gentle Savior, ambitious, creative, yet admittedly a little weary of life!

Now time is fleeing from me, and fleeing from you (even though you may not be aware) like an hour glass now empty, not because we have done anything wrong, but because God has a divine plan for all of humanity that must unfold in order to restore His creation to its former state of perfection.

No more time for you or I to waste searching, hoping dreaming, looking, waiting...

We must take hold of the dream, realize that there is a price to pay for owning it, and never forsake it when we don't agree because Iron sharpens Iron and our imperfections might cause us to clash at times but if we run away from each other we will never come to understand that those same imperfections are invested with a supernatural power to perfect our love!